


Do I Wanna Know?

by spdervrses



Category: RiNa - Fandom, hsmtmts - Fandom
Genre: AU, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22687552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spdervrses/pseuds/spdervrses
Summary: “I don’t have a girlfriend. Not anymore. I broke up with Nini.”Her heart thuds. “What? Why would you do that, Ricky?”Now he’s the one who can’t seem to look her in the eyes. He shoves his hands into his pockets and swallows. “Come on, you know why. You’re really going to make me say it?”After the aftermath of the play, Ricky Bowen attempts to fix his relationship with Gina Porter.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 75





	Do I Wanna Know?

“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.” His hands are buried deep into his pockets. Ricky’s hair sits in a nest on his head, curly and untamed. His eyes, tinged with the slightest hint of pink, narrow at her with a strange intensity that causes her to drop her gaze. It feels as if he’s trying to see through her. Gina’s terrified that he might.

“No, no.” She shakes her head at him. Loose strands fall from the bun atop her head, framing her face in a wild manner. Gina brushes one behind her ear, a nervous tick that she’s become quite fond of. Although there should be no reason for her to be nervous. It’s just Ricky. “No, why would you think that?”

The corners of his lips turn up in an involuntary smile, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Ricky takes a step further and without much thought, she takes a step backwards. His brow quirks. “Well, for one, you haven’t answered a single one of my texts. The other day you saw me in front of the school and ran onto the bus. You don’t even take the bus.” He sighs audibly. “And you can’t even look at me.”

“I am looking at you.”

A lie.

“No, you’re not.”

She raises her head slightly so that she’s staring at him, her eyes still not meeting his. Gina’s eyes fixate on the ruddy curls of his hair. Parts of it are highlighted by the small gleam of light that peaks in through the slightly open windows of the studio. It makes him look ethereal. His eyes an even lighter shade of brown—nearly gold in this light—and hair that looks just as soft as it feels.

Thoughts of her fingers in his hair, lightly tugging on the ends as if she might fall without him to anchor her fill her mind. His lips on hers, hands placed gently on her waist. Tentative and nervous and surprising. It had definitely been a surprise. And a mistake. One that she doesn’t plan on repeating. She blinks, shaking the thoughts from her mind.

“What do you want me to do Ricky?”

“I want you to look me in my eyes.” He sounds as if he’s pleading.

“I’m looking, Ricky.” This time, she does look at him. Her warm brown eyes landed on his feels like sunlight for the first time and her heart tumbles inside of her cheat. Ricky’s gaze is scorching, his gaze intent refusing to leave hers. Gina can’t look away. She isn’t sure that she wants to. “I see you.”

Ricky nods, releasing a short puff of air from his lips. It is an acknowledgement of sorts that he sees her. He pinches his fingers together, taking a small sliver of skin between his fingernails until the pressure becomes unbearable. There’s a thin half-smile on his lips. “Listen, I understand that this is my fault. The other night, when I kissed you, I shouldn’t have done that.”

Gina had been hoping that they wouldn’t have to talk about that.

“It was a mistake. We don’t have to talk about it.” The words sound bitter on her tongue and the moment that she sees the crestfallen expression on his face, she wants to take it back.

Ricky inhales sharply and rocks on the balls of his feet. His words come out slow and measured, almost as if he’s rehearsed this. “Gina, I didn’t make a mistake. I’m not sorry about it. I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable or if I pushed you away. But I’m not sorry for kissing you and I don’t think that you are either.”

Oh.

No. This is not the way that this was supposed to go. Not at all. Not after she’s tried so hard to be over this little triangle. It’s not fair. 

“Ricky, you have no idea how hard this has been for me.” Her expression turns angry. “No, you don’t because you got to choose. You were in the middle of two people and you made your choice. You chose Nini and I’ve been trying to be okay with that. I was doing well too. You weren’t supposed to kiss me and mess it all up.”

He opens his mouth to speak, taking a step further. But Gina doesn’t want to hear what he has to say. She can’t hear it because he’ll say all the right things and have her heart beating out of her chest again and she’ll go right back to being weak. 

“No, you’ve talked. It’s my turn now. I had a plan, Ricky. I was supposed to transfer here and stay here for once. Play the lead in a few schools plays before eventually moving onto Julliard or something. I had a plan. But you came along and you messed up my plan. I wasn’t supposed to get caught up in a messy non-triangle love triangle with a guy with a girlfriend—”

“I don’t.”

“What?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Not anymore. I broke up with Nini.”

Her heart thuds. “What? Why would you do that, Ricky?”

Now he’s the one who can’t seem to look her in the eyes. He shoves his hands into his pockets and swallows. “Come on, you know why. You’re really going to make me say it?”

Gina has a suspicion but it’s rather hard to think clearly when her heart is beating so loudly. She nods at him.

“I realized that it wasn’t fair to either of us to stay together because I was too scared to move on. I’d convinced myself that because she was the first person, I’ve ever loved meant that we had to stay together. It was convenient and the most logical choice and I am aware that I made the choice. I wish I hadn’t.”

They could have had more time.

Gina, for the life of her, can’t figure out how she’s supposed to react to this. How does one respond to having exactly what they’ve been dreaming about for months suddenly handed to them? In her fantasies, he’s sweeping her off her feet and they don’t argue or worry about the details. In her fantasies, she says yes but this is not her fantasy and this is not so simple. 

“What do you want me to say, Ricky? You want me to be all excited about being your backup plan?”

Ricky takes a step further, closing the gap between them. His eyes remain trained on her. “You’re not a backup plan. It’s just you, I promise.” Gina wants to believe him so badly, every part of her is drawn to him by some invisible magnetic force and it takes all of her willpower not to give in. “You make me really happy, Gina.”

It’s such a massive statement to be responsible for somebody’s happiness that it shakes her to her core.

“I don’t know what I want, Ricky.”

That is a lie. She knows exactly what she wants. It’s what she’s wanted for a long time.

“You don’t have to answer immediately but it’s not filling a whole or replacing Nini. My jacket still smells like you. It smells like lavender and your shampoo. And the hat you made me, it fits Gina. I want to be with you more than anything in the world, Gina and I can wait. I’ll wait for you as long as you need me to. But say you don’t want me and I’ll go and we can forget that this whole thing ever happened and go back to being just friends because I don’t ever want to lose you.”

He takes a step closer to her so that she can see a mole beside his ear and his incredibly long lashes flutter against his cheek, giving her the impression of violins strings against pale skin. Gina wonders what she looks like through his eyes. His face is only inches from hers and if she wanted, she could close the gap and replicate the kiss that they’d shared less than a week ago. It seems that the same thought crosses his mind, but he swallows hard. Waiting for her to choose this time.

“I can’t do that,” she whispers unable to raise her voice. “But I can’t go around with Nini’s ex-boyfriend. We’re not exactly friends but we’re in a good place and I think we might be getting there. To suddenly be with her ex-boyfriend a day after the breakup wouldn’t be great.”

“We’ve been broken up for two months.” His expression does not change.

This changes everything.

Gina nudges his fingers with her pinky, linking them together. She doesn’t look down at their hands and neither does Ricky, but they notice it. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to make things weird or to make you feel like a rebound or that I was being ingenuine. I want you, Gina. I want you to play with my emotions if you’d like. Take my heart and break it if you want. It’s yours to break. It always will be.”

For once, she can’t think of a logical argument. “I just don’t know if it’s a great idea. I don’t know–”

“What do you want Gina?”

“I want you.” There it is. Out in the open. The words that have absolutely terrified her for weeks. Gina feels exposed and vulnerable. Ricky brushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“As much as I would love to stand here and argue with you, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I’d really like to kiss you now.”

All that it takes is a small nod. They’re chest to chest, nose to nose. There is no space between them. Gina leans her forehead against his, releasing a shaky breath. Ricky closes the gap, pressing his lips against hers for a moment. Gina responds without a second thought, standing on the balls of her feet to make up for their height difference. Ricky’s hands around her waist feel instantaneous and idly familiar as he leans down towards her.

Every hair on her skin stands erect and her body curves to accommodate his, sending a shiver down her spine. Her fantasies felt nothing like this. This Ricky is real and solid and hers to have. She pulls away reluctantly causing Ricky to gasp lightly against her lips. Gina’s lips curve into a smile.

She’s happy. There’s no denying that.

Gina works her fingers into his hair and shakes her head at him still hardly pulling away. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” He laughs in response and although they don’t say it, the words that they’re thinking linger in the air between them. He’s her, wholly and completely.

Ricky exhales lightly. He thought he’d almost lost her.

**Author's Note:**

> So I didn't want to add a cheating storyline or anything but people grow apart and this is just what I would have liked to happen after the last episode of the season


End file.
